i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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