Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
