He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
