we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize