I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
