Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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