Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
