So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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