So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
