We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
