Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
