if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
