So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
