i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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