I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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