Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize