Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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