when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
