My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
