Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
