Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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