You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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