Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
