You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
