The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize