oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
