Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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