I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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