the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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