Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
