God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
