At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
