she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
