How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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