maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
