i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
