Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
