YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He passed out mid-signature
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
