So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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