just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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