My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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