We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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