She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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