My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
