If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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