Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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