Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
