If i come over, it means nothing
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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