I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
