Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
