you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
