apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
