He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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