But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
