If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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