ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
