I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
