You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
