...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
