whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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