I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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