All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
