fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
