Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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