david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
