I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
