pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
