there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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