I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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