i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
