I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
