im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
