If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
