I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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