Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
