i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
