??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize