It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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