My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
